November 12, 2024, 4:37 pm | Read time: 7 minutes
Quickly to the nursery, quickly to the office, and then in the evening: reward! You treat yourself to a bath with medicinal herbs, but the stupid thoughts about tomorrow’s to-dos just won’t go away. There is a name for the phenomenon of unsuccessfully switching off – it is referred to as “Stresslaxing.” STYLEBOOK asked a stress therapist why women, in particular, suffer from it and what can be done about it.
Amélie Bischoff is a political scientist, yoga and meditation teacher, and stress coach. All these skills and career steps make the 30-year-old the perfect person to turn to when it comes to stress therapy. She also knows all too much about this personally: She suffered from burnout herself and now focuses on making it easier for other people to deal with stress factors and “stresslaxing.”
Overview
This is why “stresslaxing” often occurs in women
We all suffer from stress to a greater or lesser extent in our performance-oriented society. We hardly allow ourselves breaks, and if we allow ourselves time for them, we simply don’t want to relax. Amélie Bischoff explains: “Women are often people pleasers and hold themselves back. This has to do with the social expectations and role models that still prevail.” Women are expected to be particularly empathetic, “and this can lead to their own needs being neglected.”
“Women often have to fulfill a dual role”
In addition to expectations, other stressors include sexism and inequalities in professional life. Women often have to fulfill a dual role: “Being successful professionally, but then women still have more responsibility for domestic work, for care work – be it for children or family members.”
According to Bischoff, there is an alarming trend: “Stress is increasing. With the multiple burdens of being a perfect mother, but of course, also a career, because you don’t just want to be a mother – the pressure isn’t getting any less, on the contrary.” But there is also a certain amount of pressure on women who decide not to have children. “Men experience this much less often.”
Biological factors also cause stress in women
According to Bischoff, there is also a connection between hormones and stress. As a woman, you go through many different phases in life. Hormonal influences can also promote depression.
What can women do to combat stress?
According to Amélie Bischoff, it is important to identify the cause of stress. First, you have to recognize what the stressors in your life actually are: Is it stress on a physical level, or is it emotionally rooted? Is it pressure in your social life, in your private life, or in the work environment? Then the question arises as to whether you can reduce it – if not, you have to change the way you deal with it: “It’s not about eliminating stress. If we’re honest, that’s not always possible; reducing it definitely is.”
Through her work as an “emotional release” trainer, Bischoff helps people to recognize stressors and works on a physical and mental level in therapy. She helps her clients to better understand their own nervous system. This allows them to get to the subconscious patterns.
Suppressed emotions are a major stress factor
An important component of Amélie Bischoff’s fight against stress is bringing up suppressed emotions. “We women are so often labeled as emotional, too sensitive, or drama queens,” says the stress therapist. To avoid this, we often suppress our feelings because this is where people-pleasing comes into play again. We women are taught from an early age “to push our own emotions aside because there is no room for them.” We often lack the necessary confidence to let them run free.
The problem is that suppressed emotions manifest themselves in the body, says Bischoff. In her case, anger that was not let out manifested itself in the form of a blocked jaw and stomach pain, for example. Therapy is, therefore, also about releasing these feelings and relearning what it feels like to let them out freely. Amélie provides the necessary space for this in her sessions – here, emotions can be felt retrospectively, so to speak, and processed accordingly.
What you can do now to combat stress
You don’t always have enough patience to come down. Your head is spinning, your heart is racing, and the need to relax is intense. But there are exercises that work psychosomatically. Amélie Bischoff has four quick routines that can be used anywhere and guarantee instant relaxation. After all, she wants to empower people to tackle stress themselves without the need for guided therapy.
Each exercise takes less than a minute. “We sometimes think you need a 30-minute window, 3 hours to relax, but sometimes it’s 30 seconds or a minute in between that can pull you out of the stress loop.”
4-6 breathing exercise
Deep breathing can work wonders! Here, you simply breathe in through your nose for 4 seconds and then out through your mouth for 6 seconds. You can repeat this several times. “It’s super simple, and breathing is a very powerful tool to regulate our nervous system. If the exhalation is longer than the inhalation, the parasympathetic nervous system is activated. This means we enter a state of safety.”
Sighing
“Sighing is always a little frowned upon, but it’s actually quite natural for this impulse to occur,” explains Bischoff. You should, therefore, do this consciously in order to relax: Breathe in, and then use your voice as you breathe out. This tells our body: “Now I can let go.”
Cover your eyes
It is particularly helpful for people who sit in front of a screen a lot to rub their hands together and then place them over their eyes. Breathe in deeply and breathe out through your mouth. According to Bischoff, you can also use your voice here. This exercise helps to relax the eyes with all the visual impressions and to come “inside” for a moment.
Shake out your body
If you’re at work right now, then go somewhere where you’re alone and have space because it’s getting sporty! The stress coach is a big fan of shaking out or dancing at least once a day. “It creates a significant difference in your day when you incorporate movement,” says the 30-year-old half-French woman. Being physically aware of yourself also means “landing” in your own body.
Instead of “stresslaxing,” avoid stress in the long term
Bischoff also provides some food for thought to help deal with stress in the long term. You should ask yourself the question: “Do I only have value if I achieve something?” Alongside this, it is important to look at how we get into these states of stress.
Particularly with the phenomenon of “stresslaxing,” the mistake is that many people have expectations of perfect relaxation – but it’s essential to release those expectations: “It’s about the moment itself and not about what’s to come. Otherwise, relaxation really does become just another to-do.” You should also allow yourself a certain amount of flexibility when planning breaks. It is helpful, especially for busy people, to actively plan a time slot for relaxation. However, you have to look at what you feel like doing at the moment. “My tip is to ask yourself: What do I really need right now? Is it time in the bathtub, or is it more relaxing to tidy up the kitchen because then I have clarity on the outside?”
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“To-do lists are an illusion”
Another tip for getting rid of pressure in the long term is to reinterpret to-do lists. “The mistake here is the conditioning: I have to get this done, and then I can relax, or I can relax despite the to-dos. But life is a never-ending list.” It is more important to consciously experience the moment instead of focusing on tasks.
What helps here is meditation and “generally anything that brings you back to the present moment and allows you to perceive it. This allows you to let go of the illusion that everything will be done at some point, and only then can you relax.” It is important to always treat yourself with empathy and gentleness – with or without a tick behind your plans.